I finally found a solution to all my problems!

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

Thanks to Covid, my mental heath has greatly improved! My preferred therapist wasn’t taking on any new clients, so I had to look for other options. After looking online, I decided to hire a robot therapist to help me with my needs, and so far I am happy with the results.

Robot therapists began last year when the pandemic hit, and so far, they’ve been enormously popular. And it was such an easy selection process! I went online and decided what I wanted. …

They’ve been with me through thick and thin…

Chris Montgomery-Unsplash

Now that things are opening up, and I can actually socialize with real people, I’d like to pay homage to my virtual backgrounds on Zoom. I do a lot of theater online, and these guys have been with me for well over a year.

They are so cooperative. They don’t argue, they don’t upstage me, they just sit there in the background, letting me flex my acting skills, providing me with moral and immoral support. Here are a few of my favorites.

It’s not too late to be creative!!!!

Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

OK, let’s face it, the body parts don’t work as well as they used to. I’m tempted to keep a can of WD-40 by the bed, just so I can get it up in the morning, but it quite frankly smells pretty bad.

So I have to creak around the house a little bit just to get going and hope that I can delay the use of my pain medications until at least noon.

But a new challenge has taken place in recent years. Sex. Remember that? With fondness, I recall my randy…

Finally, some wild sex again!

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

A few months ago, I noticed something strange happening with my gut. I’d heard stories over the years about how the body ages, but I was surprised by this one.

It turns out, not having a colonoscopy was a bad idea. I had several friends who had been hospitalized for months at a time because of colonoscopies, so I had avoided it.

I initially saw my primary care physician, who ordered a CT scan. The results were not good. She immediately sent me to a GI doctor who quickly got me in for a colonoscopy.

Chris Montgomery-Unsplash

Haiku tribute to my virtual backgrounds

The cry of the weary and forgotten

Photo by Nathan Wright on Unsplash

The green halls are calling
My brother’s
Muffled shuffle now joins the rank
Of the ash faced
Hundreds who
Pass through these walls,

Parked at the entrance,
Vacant stares illuminate
For one moment
I’m someone they may have known.

The lights dim in their eyes,
And they settle into everyday
Displayed like appetizers
For death’s daily banquet.

Shuffled like cards,
A new deck is dealt
Once a week they change the sheets,
While the White Ghosts hurry by
Their $5.15 an hour
Make them too busy
To shoulder the weary.

In the lunchroom,

Sorry guys, but I gotta go!

Photo by Marc Schaefer on Unsplash

OK, so I’ve waited too long to have my first colonoscopy. I know, I know, I should have had one at 50, and now I’m 68. But the horror stories from a few friends were enough to scare me off, but now, it’s time. Tomorrow, is my special day.

So you know what that means, I’m drinking all of that no calorie shit which will be coupled with the movement medication to clean me out. Good thing our pipes are new.

I’m not wild about the non-eating part. I am thin to begin with…

Mary McGrath

Mary currently writes from Naples, FL. Some of her credits include: Newsweek, Wall St. Journal, Good Housekeeping, and Chicken Soup for the Soul.

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